Everything meme
Feb. 4th, 2009 07:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vore_crimesEverything Meme. Have at me with Relationship, First Impressions, Hot or Not, Essay, Please Ramble About This At Me, Explain Your Thoughts on Their Thoughts, You Should Jump Me, App My Canon and whatever you want to ask for.
Especially "Please Ramble About This At Me", I love that one. XD
I play: Umeda, the Riku Replica, Heat, Jinana, the Collector Manikin, Sakubo, and Sahashi Minato.
I used to play: Phibrezo, Mayura, Haruka, Mello, Cho Hakkai 1, Kubota, Hibari, Alec i Amasa, Marluxia, Lexaeus, EVA.
Especially "Please Ramble About This At Me", I love that one. XD
I play: Umeda, the Riku Replica, Heat, Jinana, the Collector Manikin, Sakubo, and Sahashi Minato.
I used to play: Phibrezo, Mayura, Haruka, Mello, Cho Hakkai 1, Kubota, Hibari, Alec i Amasa, Marluxia, Lexaeus, EVA.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-02-05 03:57 am (UTC)okay
Ramble about any or all of these things at me: Heat/Sera, Heat/Serph, Heat's View Of Heat/Serph/Sera, What Heat Thinks Sera Thinks About Heat/Serph/Sera, How Is Riku Replica Doing These Days Anyway, How Did Collector Manikin Do During The Kill Game, Has Minato Been Raped Yet, Will Argilla Not Being Here Affect How Jinana Deals With Bat, Is Saku Jealous Of Sera And How Is She Dealing With That, and Is Bo Mad At Kuhn.
I'll tell you if I think of any more.
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Date: 2009-02-05 03:58 am (UTC)EDIT: fffffffffff
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Date: 2009-02-05 04:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-05 04:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-05 04:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-05 04:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-05 04:21 am (UTC). . . Ramble about Heat's currently thoughts on Serph and Sera, then. Which is almost the same, hm. I'll think of something else later when I'm less busy.
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Date: 2009-02-05 04:52 am (UTC)Haha, Heat on Serph and Sera:
He pretty much thinks they're MEANT TO BE. They fell together naturally, they're a good couple, they match in so many ways, and they're more comfortable with each other than Heat will ever be with either. This is still, kind of, jealousy -- but it's also a little bit of pride. He wants to support them; he wants to set them up and undo everything he did wrong by seeing them through to the end like he feels like he already should have.
Continuing to "get with" Serph and quasi-dating Sera ...mucks with this in his head but also makes him happy, and Heat's impulse control sucks to begin with. So he does it! AND HE LOVES IT but at the same time he feels like he's somehow fucking up Serph and Sera by not separating himself entirely from the situation. A... lot of this is probably his guilt over his past jealousy and lingering jealousy (because he'll never have with Sera what Serph has with Sera, even if he has what HEAT would), not to mention the whole PUNCHING A HOLE THROUGH SERPH thing, or the not having faith in Serph, or not listening to Sera's will, or everything else he's done. He honestly doesn't trust himself to not fuck them up deliberately, let alone unknowingly. He'd like to step back and be their fairy godfather, but with Heat, when two wants clash, his personal desire will win out. And he wants to be close to them more than he wants to behave in a way he feels will right what he's done in the past. (Of course it won't -- it won't either right it or it won't interfere with it. But Heat's so much about his gut instincts.)
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Date: 2009-02-05 05:02 am (UTC)The Collector things Kharg is a funny guy and an interesting human. 8D He also finds it very interesting that Kharg divides the world into a duality (human/deimos), because his own world is essentially a tri-partiate world (human/deimos/Manikin)-- and one with huge, huge politics, so a Mantra demon and a demon from the assembly of Nihilo? Man, they do not want to hear you say all demons are the same. He'd like to hang out with Kharg more. :Db
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Date: 2009-02-05 05:18 am (UTC)This one's easy to answer -- they don't think about it. Not as such. They both do have an instinctive (where by instinctive I mean more "inherited from past lives, probably"). Heat uses gendered phrases like "What a stubborn woman" and "snobby bitch", but I don't think he approaches women as fundamentally different from men on a, like, capacity level. I mean, this is partially because the women in DDS are all scary motherfuckers, except for Sera, who he's got a giant PROTECT button for in a way that... while not entirely divorced from gender (especially because of the sexual element) is more because it's Sera and because of Sera's role in his life. And, I mean, the Junkyard is relatively... equal. Men and women are military. No civilian faction. No "women's jobs or men's jobs". He's pretty normal around normal naked girls because he's probably seen them under normal, non-sexual circumstances (joint barracks, tending wounds, showers etc). So I think he has some... especially verbal ticks that imply gendering, but his behavior is relatively non-responsive to gender roles. There's something here as well about the fact his two most important people/love interests/halves of each other are both androgynes; Serph is pointed out as a pretty boy, and Sera is a rather boyish young woman in her physical appearance (most people I've shown the game to, when you first see her at the start of 1, go "Huh, a girl? Wait, is that a boy?" etc).
Jinana is both less and more aware of it, because unlike Heat, who gets to come into this world with privilege, Jinana doesn't as much. *g* People are always pointing out the gendered elements of her situation. It's not always safe to walk around dressed as she is, is one of the first things she got, because socially men and women are different. I think it's one of the first threads she had with Roland. I think it's come up with some others too -- Fujisaka and Kuhn? And some others, I think. But on the one hand, she has less mental 'ticks' onto gender because she's more distanced from her past life than Heat is and because in the Junkyard, she was authority. The closest she got to an awareness of gender role and gendering in society was right at the end when Mick used his physical differences to abuse her for fun; she was bloodied and bruised all over, but this included both showing blood seeping through her shirt over her breasts and blood/bruising on her ass/thighs, so there is some element of gendering in the beating (and in the abuse Mick was slinging at her: "That stupid bitch never devoured anyone", etc; One can guess he wouldn't have slung the same abuse at Lupa if he'd known about it, though of course that's just a guess).
So I guess what that comes down to is that Heat is less aware of societal gendering even when he engages in it, but understands it more intuitively when it comes up, while Jinana is more aware of societal gendering, but doesn't understand it intuitively at all.
MORE COMING.
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Date: 2009-02-05 05:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-05 05:25 am (UTC). . . aw, Heat. I'm sorry Heat, but I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to be left alone. :|b
I love your ramblings. ♥
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Date: 2009-02-05 05:36 am (UTC)Cielo is:
- Tribe
- Comrade
- Like a grown-up kid brother to him. The kind where they're grown-up so you can trust them to take care of themselves but at the same time they're TOTALLY AN IDIOT WHO CAN'T TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES UGH and you're the only one allowed to tease them about it.
That said, there's of course MORE TO IT THAN THAT, in that... playing the games, Heat and Cielo don't seem THAT CLOSE TO EACH OTHER right, they aren't each other's choice of hang-out buddy. And you know Heat tried to beat him up when he was on death's door that one time when Sera got kidnapped. But except for that one time? Heat's pretty ... gentle with Cielo. For Heat. Take the attack in the administrative tower. He tried to set Argilla on fire, punched Gale into a glass wall, targetted Serph... and didn't do anything against Cielo. And his first instinct, when Gale snapped and went after Cielo? Was to put himself between Gale and Cielo.
I suspect that there's past-life stuff there. I don't know if O'Brien worked on Cielo at all or if Cielo was before his time/under a different physician. But if he was, then he failed to protect Cielo. If he wasn't, then Cielo is still someone who wasn't saved by the people who should be under his care -- something we see how important it is to him with baby Sera.
SO I WONDER IF THAT FEEDS INTO IT SOMETIME.
But Heat's still Heat, and so it gets fed through Grown-Up Kid Brother Tribe-Comrade thing instead.
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Date: 2009-02-05 05:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-05 05:45 am (UTC)If they make it to adulthood, jeez Bo, way to be healthy.
UH ANYWAY. They're not going to meld/Saku isn't going to be lost. This much I'm pretty sure of, because if you don't pick to do it in game, she works through... a big chunk of her desire to do so. Now, she'll probably have downswings, but... yeah. And DID isn't really... easy to treat generally. She'd have to have less of a sense of self, I'm pretty sure. :/ Or have something make her lose that sense of self/place.
They MIGHT split further. They might not. It'll really depend what situations Bo has to deal with, but I am guessing they won't.
Frankly, they both have dreams and I don't imagine either of them fully lviing them out, since they'll be compromising for each other, but hey, that means they'll be online a lot in the future too, because HOW many of the characters play for escapism?
REPLICA AND THE KH DROPS
He is cool with it. He hates Larxene and Marluxia in a non-complicated way; he doesn't want to be near them, and he's relieved he doesn't need to think about it anymore. He never got close to Lexaeus (if anything he was a little jealous of him) but he does wonder how this'll a) change things for Zexion, b) make Axel react ie is he going to be more or less dangerous and c) whether Vexen will have less of a control with Lexaeus gone.
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Date: 2009-02-05 05:45 am (UTC)Yeah, their relationship is sometimes an interesting dichotomy of Heat taking care of Cielo and Heat beating up Cielo! I've always kind of wondered how the fact that Heat beat him up that one time did affect their relationship. I kind of figure that...in a weird kind of way, it made it easier for Cielo to handle Heat's eventual betrayal. I mean, he already knew that Sera was more important to Heat than him! It probably wasn't something he thought about much, but the fact that he'd already ingrained that on a fundamental level of "Heat could've well killed him tossing him around like that for failing to protect Sera" was still...part of what he knew going in.
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Date: 2009-02-05 05:53 am (UTC)Heat thinks it's weird but in some ways he... doesn't want to touch it. He gets that a lot of it is from the past in a way that ...almost none of the others do, I think. Maybe none of them. Gale and Heat are both the two who carry forward some of the biggest and heaviest past stuff, which is kind of funny given that the two of them reincarnated differently. I don't think he knows about "David" beyond what Madame may have said (which is possibly *something*, given that Sera is HIS big point of manipulation, and she's using him against Angel, and she does ... pull up strange emotive ties). But even if he did know, he wouldn't mention it and wouldn't expect Gale to ever bring up O'Brien. Not cool.
So that said, he ...has some sense that there is baggage there, the same stuff that made Gale act funny when "Angel" was mentioned after the initial briefing at the temple, or what made Gale save Angel instead of offering his hand to anyone else. And he... can't resent that, so he takes a step back from it. He hates Angel. He hates Cuvier more, mind, but he still loathes Angel. Something about treating him as sub-human and dragging Sera around by her hair and hurting her and using her and yeah, Heat does not like Angel. But he's never going to judge Gale for doing so.
I mean, he'll poke at Gale over a lot of things. He doesn't hate Gale -- likes him, even -- but likes him with a great deal of irritation and antagonism. And he's not going to hide the fact he hates Angel. But he's never going to imply that Gale and Angel should not be doing this. In some ways, he trusts Gale to -- not "know what he's doing", although he does. But to remain himself.
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Date: 2009-02-05 05:56 am (UTC)But when push comes to shove, he'd kill his own brother for her. Possibly even in a fit of rage in her pain was at all his fault. Heat doesn't like it, that he'd do that to Cielo (or any of the Embryon); it doesn't make him proud. But he'd do it anyway.
I think for any of the Embryon to have... got back together with him after the betrayal? Involved them acknowledging that. In camp, I mean. You know?
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Date: 2009-02-05 06:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-05 06:03 am (UTC)UMEDA
Is actually one of my two characters who know. He and Kuhn have a weird relationship of a sort -- they're not close, but he's the gay doctor who likes to poke at Kuhn's sexuality and, as a result, Kuhn talks to him sometimes. He knows that they're in a relationship, that it's 'against' Kuhn's view of ihs own sexuality, that it's abusive, that Kuhn is trying to 'fix' a sociopath. He also knows, from addressing it frankly TO Kuhn, that Kuhn knows it's a lost cause, but is doing a lot of damage management. That Kuhn knows he can't 'fix' Bat but he's pretty deep into the game now and can't extract himself safely.
Frankly, Umeda thinks it's a shit situation, but he doesn't know what to suggest. He mentioned passing Bat off to a professional -- but those are limited in camp, and Kuhn pointed out that if Bat gets annoyed, he WILL kill a doctor who attends him. So.
JINANA
Also knows about it.
She... doesn't approve. Can't! Her feelings on Bat are INSANELY COMPLICATED and painful and she thinks Bat is... really unhealthy and really needs to learn himself and that he cannot do this through others, because instead Bat will do things to others. She worries about what Bat will do to Kuhn; she worries, too, what Kuhn will do to Bat, because this is... honestly really bad for Bat as well, in a lot of ways (or so she believes). Bat isn't, frankly, ready to handle friendships with people. He's barely ready to handle non-aggressive acquaintances with people. He's definitely not prepared to handle anything that involves, by its very nature, a convoluted give and take -- and fucking this up now could fuck the new concept up for him forever.
But she also doesn't feel like she has a right to disapprove. Bat isn't "hers" anymore; if she thought of him as hers, she'd just order him to break up with Kuhn. But he's... like disowned family. He rejected her as leader in the most fundamental way he could, and so she cannot lead -- cannot have any authority over his life; he broke that.
So instead she ...sits back and gives quiet advice and her viewpoint and tries to keep her heart out of it, but it's tearing her heart apart to do so.
SAKUBO
doesn't know. If they did... it'd depend on circumtance, but Bat tried to eat Bo when Bo was trying to help him, so Bo is *afraid* of him, and Saku really doesn't like Bat at all. Sooo yeah.
HEAT
this is going to be fun. :)
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Date: 2009-02-05 06:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-05 06:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-05 06:17 am (UTC)OKAY ONCE UPON A TIME I WROTE this essay wow like a year ago. Anyway. I'm too lazy to reread it but I'll assume it explains a lot of basic stuff even if some stuff's changed so I don't ramble for another 8000 words.
But basically:
Heat loev Sera but believe he shouldn't love Sera; he feels... intrusive a lot of times? When he's trying to... just express himself or get close, he feels more and more like he's intruding somehow. I THINK THEY ARE AWKWARD AND CUTE but my shipping is... I DON'T THINK THEY'LL EVER BE PERFECT OR LEARN TO FIT RIGHT you know? XD Heat is a big dumb lunk. Actually, I kind of want to write that for all my answers to the relationship thing: Heat. He's a big dumb lunk. End of essay.
HEAT/SERPH
Heat finds Serph... way easier in some ways than Sera. SERPH IS UNCOMPLICATED. Serph *read romance novels* because he was introduced to the idea that Heat might be interested in him and WANTED TO LEARN WHAT THAT ENTAILED OK. That's not complicated, that's just kind of dorky and stupid.
Heat's been coming to rely on Serph a lot for emotional support, and he feels lame about that -- and me as a player, I want to shake that up a bit. He does tend to go "SERRRPH I'M INSECURE ABOUT SERA LET's GO HUNTING" which is fun, but we need some awkwardness. Maybe about penises I dunno. Or I can see you guys dating and get ALL WEIRD ABOUT IT. And the thing with Kuhn is likely to shake things up. So I'm not worried but I intend to poke at it a bit, because he's getting TOO COMFORTABLE with Serph, which is great except that a lot of times his comfort is a facade covering up a lot of insecurity and weirdness, and I'm preeeeeeeetty sure it is here too.
SERPH/HEAT/SERA
Heat doesn't think it can happen, and on a lot of levels, doesn't WANT it to happen. Right now, when it's three separate groups, it's SUPER AWKWARD but at the same time, his jealousy is... a little lower. If it's right there, in his face, if he can't dodge the comparisons he'll be makeing, he'll fuck everything up and he knows it. He's... afraid. He wants to be happy with them, he wants THEM to be happy, but he is SUCH A FUCKUP. And he is just... terrified about ruining things. Not for himself; he's fine with ruining things for himself. In fact, he kind of craves it, because then it's as low as he's gonna get. But he's terrified about ruining things for them.
He also has nooo idea what Sera thinks about it. HE DOESN'T DARE GUESS. He is terrified and the answer's depressing no matter WHAT way she feels about it.
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Date: 2009-02-05 06:29 am (UTC)On the one hand, he's doing great! I MEAN LARXENE AND MARLUXIA ARE GONE. He has no ambivalent, wishy-washy feelings on this: NO, THIS SHIT IS AWESOME, OKAY. These are some of the greatest sources of terror in his life and THEY ARE GONE, THEY ARE GONE. PARTY IN HIS HOUSE, EVERYONE EXCEPT VEXEN IS INVITED!!
On the other hand, he's... actually in a KIND OF SIMILAR SITUATION TO HEAT in that he's got a REALLY DEEP CRUSH on a girl and doesn't know whether or not it's because she made his feelings and he knows SHE doesn't know whether or not it's because she made his feelings. AND someone else has a huge crush on her: Roxas. He can't compete with Roxas. Hands down, he can't, and he knows it. He can do his best but she will never not have doubts over him, while Roxas and she have an up-front and cool thing going on. And he LIKES Roxas and wants to be friends but -- it's really complicated. Especially now that Roxas is interested in Namine because he *hates* that he was making a friend and now he's trying to avoid him because ...he's jealous! And that sucks. And a little part of him he hates even more thinks it's selfish of Roxas -- not because he thinks Roxas and Axel are a great couple and not because he thinks Axel will be hurt (he doesn't care) but because Axel used the Replica and threw him away in order to protect Roxas because he loved him. The Replica is a victim of Axel's love for Roxas! So seeing Roxas go, "Eh, that's fine, but I love Namine too so I might as well pursue that" rankles on a greater level than just a jealous dumb teenage boy level.
And he doesn't know how to deal with Namine; he'd been avoiding her (and Roxas) up until the honesty post, at which point this all CAME OUT and now he... doesn't know how to deal with them worse, because he said stuff that, even if he thought it secretly, he never wanted to talk about because that's... low. And they're his own issues and he knows it. And he ALSO knows he'll never stop wondering if his love is his own feeling or just an implant that got shattered but left its shards mixed in with the shards of his heart.
He's... I won't say he has multiple personalities, but he also does, just that they're too intermingled to be distinct. He has his "self", the person he views as "him", but it's been overwritten and cracked so much that -- it's not like taking an old self, overwriting it, and then trying to figure out who he is. It's like taking an old self, overwriting it, then sticking what results into a blender until a fine and sharp-edged mush is left and then picking through THAT for only one of the items. THE RIKU REPLICA'S SENSE OF IDENTITY: WILL IT BLEND?
So basically he's doing okay, yeah.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-05 06:29 am (UTC)Sera ships Heat/Serph in a way but never talks about it. IT'S KIND OF FUNNY. And I've always been fascinated by the fact that Serph's comfort with Sera and Serph's comfort with Heat fills a lot of the same needs for them, but in such different ways.
Serph/Heat/Sera IS NOT EVEN ON THE TABLE. She has no opinion on it, she doesn't think about it. SERIOUSLY CONFRONTED WITH IT she would probably go "..........um" a lot. SHE HAS NO CLUE HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THAT, maybe Heat is wise to be terrified.